A story of a girl grew to become a bitch

When she was little girl, she was starving for love and attention
She was so little she needed to be accepted, but all what she has got was criticism
She adopted the idea that she is always wrong , and that become her believe.
She lost her self respect and confidence.
Her mother in particular never accepted her the wa she is , deep inside her she was wishing if her daughter was different , was more religious, maybe more obeient.
She felt that and she want to satisfy her mother and other people around her, and she became to pretend, she lost herself, she got tired, she could not recognise herself.
and she was growing day after day, she start discovering the opposit sex ” men”.
or let’s say by that age they were ” boys”, she seek to get some attention to compensate what she need, but she was rejected over and over every time.
And this time beside of loosing herself respect , her search for love and acceptation , she looked like a bitch.
and with this new ticket in her back, she lost the respect for her own body and she hated the fact that she is a woman.
She couldn’t understand that being a bitch sometimes have nothing to do with the body, it’s a stat of mind, and she was a bitch because she traded her personality, feeling and let’s say in some point her body ( when she let man look to her ) over attention , some fake attention.
And she grew up and she became an adult, she get some new experiences with some new friends, she felt love she get attention and she felt accepted, but that doesn’t resolved the problem, her biggest problem which is hating herself.
Also that doesn’t make her pure and chaste her trust in some people make her became naive and indirectly a bitch one more time, but this time for different reasons, this time she became a bitch by good intention.
Now she think that maybe she have “the bitch curses”
But she close her eyes and think “oh mom, if you only could love me the way I’m , I would never end up this way”


Empathy and relationship

That’s strange to me
I have a lot of words to say , a lot of hurting things maybe
i don’t even know what’s is right and what is wrong and i don’t even know if my judgment is right or wrong , but i think that i’m facing a familiar and a strange problem in the same time , witch is lack of empathy .
Well usually i don’t accept lack of empathy in my relationship , usually I exaggerate on asking for Interests , i usually complain when i don’t get it or i feel that my partner lack empathy with me .
Ok well this time is different , this time i feel like i don’t have the right to complain ,and this is for many reasons .
First at all i have been in such situation before and i know that complaining will not solve the problem , i should say that yeah , it make me feel better and more comfortable but that disturb the relationship .
Second it may be considered at no problem at all , because in the first place and theoretically , empathy is not something to ask , if someone is interested so he will ask if not, so love and attention are not things that you can bought from the supermarket, these things are either do exist or do not .

Third I understand very well that i  can’t  blame someone for who he is , as an example i will try to analyse the personality of my lover , he is a strong person he believe in ” solve your problems by yourself”  and never wait for help even if this help is coming as some good words , beside he like good mood and happy people so he is not obliged to hear me talking about problems that he could not do anything about , and after all who i’m to him so he sustain  my stupid bla bla bla

And after all i think that maybe the problem is in me , in what i do ask for and not in people around me not in my love , maybe the whole universe is standing there to tell me girl grow up , and face my life by my own , and stop looking for support .

I guess empathy is an important thing in the life of person ,and if someone and especially someone dear to your heart show you empathy that make you feel good , and that help to show love and care , but if it does not exist just accept persons around you the way they are and try to be happy and face your problem by your own .I guess this is a lesson that i have learned i wish if i can apply it in my real life and i loved to share it in this article .

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he make me dream like in a fairy tale

Since I was a teenager, I never had normal dream and I’m always creative and I have different stories and definitions in my head.

Even when it comes to love, well, let’s say, especially about love I have a different view. Well, I’m not a big fan of white dresses and big party, in the first place, I’m not a fan neither  with the idea of marriage and babies.

I’m a free mind and I love that freedom, but it comes from time to time to dream about romance, well usually it vanishes so fast and I came back to reality where I don’t even have a person- who resemble to the man in my dreams  not even a little- .

So I made a trick to make myself happy and coherent with the reality, I’m keeping the man of my dreams in a little corner in my mind- like a little secret garden which I go for refuge in it every time the reality goes awful- That helps me to stay strong.
But lately an unusual thing happened to me, I fell in love with someone that I can see him in my dreams he is invading me with a way that he can storm my very private refuge, and I love that feeling that I find someone who can be in my dreams, despite all his imperfection, and I know that he is not in a crazy love with me, eventually he may not love me at all. But right now I’m dreaming about him, he gives me wings and make me feel like living in a fairy tale.




Bad luck in love

I have decided since a while to not talk negatively about my feelings ,and about the experiment that i get, espécially love experiences , but some times you find that things are just imposed to you , and it’s not your choice to thing this way .

Well let me say that i’m a girl who have no chance in love , despite that i’m trying to be a very good person , but this doesn’t mean any thing , many bi**h are having good life there , I definitly know that luck and love are not things depending on your personality or something , not your beautiful smile , or special laugh , or tender sight will help you , at least that doesn’t work for me , every body love a lot of thing about me but when it come to lovers all of this doesn’t count and i don’t know why ? is it me the one who act badly , or is it just my bad luck ?

It’s supposed that i get used to the bad luck in love, why this time i believed that it could be different ?, why i allowed myself to dream ?, why i thought that could be possible for me ?

I’m so stupid because i believed that this time could be different and he could be a different man from all that i had known before , yeah he is a different man because he is so strong, so selfish , he love his life more than anything , he don’t have mercy and i should not tell him how i feel , because simply he don’t even care and i don’t mean any thing to him , why should i be ? if i do mean anything for him than he should be interested to know how i feel and to respect it . Also i know what he want. He want a happy girl who laugh with him and smile to him and don’t disturb his life , a one who don’t ask so much , a one who don’t change anything in his plan , he absolutely don’t need one girl who feel mesirable in love and who ask for so much attention.



Anyway this is simply a message for me, I’m not blaming anyone .
It’s just my fault because i believed that dreams are allowed for me and love is allowed for me , when apparently it’s not , i don’t know when exactly i will understand that message that life try to send it to me , I really tryed to stand up to feel different to controle my feeling to do exercices about how to think positively , well maybe i should try again , maybe i should not let this sad feeling controle me .
I don’t know , i should also be prepared to be dumped in every moment in my life because this is so me , i should be strong independent , and what ever love go good or bad i should just go one with my life maybe i can succeed at something else .

I hope people read this have better chance than I ❤

How can i be this stupid

I have something which always repeat in my life and it make me feel bad .

It’s some thing about men , i always look to the wrong man , every man that i look for he dont even give me a bit of attention . I’m always wondering why maybe it’s something on me why i always pick up the one who dont care about me . I swore to not doing it again but here i’m in the same situation again ohhhh i get sick of this situation.

Dahhh i’m so stupid to falling for someone who don’t care