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A story of a girl grew to become a bitch

When she was little girl, she was starving for love and attention
She was so little she needed to be accepted, but all what she has got was criticism
She adopted the idea that she is always wrong , and that become her believe.
She lost her self respect and confidence.
Her mother in particular never accepted her the wa she is , deep inside her she was wishing if her daughter was different , was more religious, maybe more obeient.
She felt that and she want to satisfy her mother and other people around her, and she became to pretend, she lost herself, she got tired, she could not recognise herself.
and she was growing day after day, she start discovering the opposit sex ” men”.
or let’s say by that age they were ” boys”, she seek to get some attention to compensate what she need, but she was rejected over and over every time.
And this time beside of loosing herself respect , her search for love and acceptation , she looked like a bitch.
and with this new ticket in her back, she lost the respect for her own body and she hated the fact that she is a woman.
She couldn’t understand that being a bitch sometimes have nothing to do with the body, it’s a stat of mind, and she was a bitch because she traded her personality, feeling and let’s say in some point her body ( when she let man look to her ) over attention , some fake attention.
And she grew up and she became an adult, she get some new experiences with some new friends, she felt love she get attention and she felt accepted, but that doesn’t resolved the problem, her biggest problem which is hating herself.
Also that doesn’t make her pure and chaste her trust in some people make her became naive and indirectly a bitch one more time, but this time for different reasons, this time she became a bitch by good intention.
Now she think that maybe she have “the bitch curses”
But she close her eyes and think “oh mom, if you only could love me the way I’m , I would never end up this way”

languages difficulties

Language is just a way to communicate, it’s not science, it’s not something fixed or stable
It changes according to time and condition in evaluate and it would vanish anytime.
I agree that it’s something amazing, but I hate how some people deal with it and how they became so strict about apply its rules.
They make it look difficult; it makes it look ugly
So what if you forget an “e” in French or that thing of “é” and “è” why it should make a big difference.
Or in Italian all those one letter differences, or in Arabic this story of the letter “A” how it changes its form.and more and more in all languages.
That makes it look impossible, I‘ve been studying French for 19 years now and I still not good at it, I know Arabic since I start learning, writing and reading and I still make mistakes on it, I can’t get how people could be perfect at those things. that give me headaches, it’s supposed that rules are made to make life easier but I don’t think so, it makes it complicated for me

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I want to die

 

some days i wake up and the only thing I do is repeating in my head that I want to die
actually I don’t know why
I’m not sad not bad and not shy
but I keep thinking that I want to die

I work I laugh I eat and I lie
so nobody could know that I want to die

YaLa Citizen Journalism programm alumni.

Different people, different calls , but humanity is the link between them

Blogging activism of young women

Hi guys I hope you are all fine
I’m glad to share with you the work made by my friend Mrs sofia a doctor in sociology she made this study basing on a comparisation between my blog and the blog of Yen a young vietnamian women.
I’m happy to be a part of this, at least what I’m writing could be interesting for someone

I hope that this study would help someone or maybe it would help to make the world a better place, I dob’t know how but we can’t never underestimate the butterfly effect

if a butterfly  flapping it wings in Brazil can make a tornado in Texas , who know about  the effect  that could make a good study made somewhere in this earth

http://siba-ese.unisalento.it/index.php/paco/article/view/16660/14323

Jasmin Revolution from a personal and local point of view

Those are events in peoples lives that make a big difference to their future. also in nations the same thing happens and some events could change the world face. And despite it seems that we talking about two different scales (a person and a nation) but the two things are related and infect each other in a manner or in another.

Six  years  ago, accurate an event that had changed the view in the Arab region and somehow it does affect the whole world too. IT’s the Jasmin revolution the Tunisian revolution, everybody knows how the event of someone who burned himself to death lead the whole country to revolt and how this end up by the escape of the ex-president, and event succeed with no stop since that time, this is an example about how a personal event could affect the nation’s destiny but how the drastic changes in a big level affect our lives as persons.

I will give you some glances about the days after the revolution how it does affect as in the local community and how it affected my personal life.

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First of all when the spark start on SIDIBOUZID no one thought that it will end up like that. we waited that the police will stop the manifestation as usual , and we thought that the facebooker are exaggerating.

In my local community, we neglect it at the beginning, we said those who goes in the south will end up in the prison. Then it starts to grow more and more and the ex-president made a speech on TV which is not a usual thing. After his third speech (in which he tries to calm the people). We knew that it was really serious. but personally I never thought that it’s a real revolution.
While we were seeing the third speech. I said to my mother: “I think that, this is it, tomorrow we will find that everything is fixed and people will leave the street to their work.”

But mom was much wiser than me, she said: “No, it would not be fixed, this time we have got died people, don’t think that families who have lost their children will forgive the government that easily, just because he gave some promises on TV.

And she was right, the next day I went out to go to work, but in the middle of the road the bus driver said that he could not continue to the downtown. there are a lot of people thousands of them screaming at Ben Ali to go away only one word was repeated over and over “DEGAGE”.

I couldn’t reach my office that day and I can say that I was lucky because people who were out couldn’t find a way to return to their home, and police was everywhere looking for the rebellions, a lot of people slept under the stairs of old buildings, others in coffee shops and every other place that could be safe.

That day also we heard that BEN ALI escaped. we couldn’t sleep, we were hearing help calls in the radio and TV, we heard that armed people will come to our neighborhood, that they will kill us, helicopters of the army passed the whole night flying above the city.

In the middle of all that fear and horror, another face of my local community showed up, a face that we never have seen it before, a beautiful helpful face.

That night when we heard about coming danger, all the men in every neighborhood gathered together and organized themselves in a way that they can protect all houses, children, and women.

fortunately for us that all those calls and warning was just a way of distraction and the most of them wasn’t true.
Two days after that I return back to work, and I was able to move normally in the downtown, the days after the escape of Ben Ali was one of the most wonderful days, despite all fear, I have seen people smiling and happy they felt that they are free now, people helped each other in the public transport and in every place.

Personally, I have met a man who told me that he never use public transport, but that day he went out to the street and he use metro just to see people to interact with them and to share his happiness.
Those days, we saw danger, but we never felt safer.

Since then, things become to change since that date faster and faster every day.
Youth express their creativity, events, art and science everywhere, it became usual to hear young artist and activist talk on the radio and TV, (thing that we weren’t used to it before the revolution) people talk freely. and this wave of creativity does affect me too.

Seeing all those activists and blogger incite me to start my own blog too.
And started my blog since 2011. I return back to drawing and painting too.
I have become active in the associative life too, and I have met the most wonderful people in my life.
So yes, revolution has changed my country, the region, but the most important thing is That revolution had changed my life.

Over-thinking kills me


I have that fatal habit of over-thinking
I over-think until I get, fatal worry that start to eat me
I over-think until I get faster heart beats, breath problem and headache
I can’t stop this, that draw me always to think into the bad, sad black directions and that make me always expect the worst.
I think that over-thinking is a kind of problems that don’t have a solution, there is no medicine for over-thinking, but Gosh, that do really hurt, someone has to do something against that.
Maybe that should be me.
Maybe I’m the one who should take action to learn how to let it go.
I just don’t know how to start.