As a person i have know drastic changes in my live.
I’m wiem from Tunisa , i’m not the same person before 2011 and after it.
If you know me before 2011 you will recognise me as a young shy girl isolated, living according to the typical oriental conservative family rules. I always had done what I’m suposed to do, and acted the way the family and society suppose that a good girl should act. I have graduated in the year 2010, and what it was supposed to do is to find a job, than a husband, and give birth to some children and looking for them and live happily and than die.
Well this is what already i tried it, I found a job it wasn’t a perfect one but it was a job anyway with a very low salary but that does not matter. what it was essential is not staying jobless.
So i started to get stable at work than i launched the procedure of looking for a husband. I discovered that was greatly hard job .
Why is that, well because in my country it became more and more hard to find a serious guy who want a serious relationship.
If you want to start your life with a young man in your age that look like particulary hard a man in his first twenty years is generaly not financially stable so he could not build a family. An older guy in his thirty maybe, look always for a girl who was raised in a good family ( conservative one), better religious girl with no ex-relation, a girl well educated with a good job and especially especially beautiful one. and it would be better if she have no personality and she do what he says ( well maybe i’m exaggerating a little bit, but definetly that do exist the way i have describe it). And since all of this is not my case , i don’t have a very knowing family , i’m not beautiful neither rich or even with no personality so i can’t be with someone like described above.
well there are a lot of other types of man beside some rare great men that i can not clasify but generaly those are the most popular category around.
But finally after a few attemptions i had find someone, I have to precise that during all this trip change had happened on my personality i became more courageous, more open, more communicative .but that someone was not accurate for my new changes. ohh kind of depressing right!
but i was so unconscious and unaware of myself , I wanted to satisfy my family to a point that i was ready to ignore myself completely .
So i blinded my eyes and mind about all the differences between me and that person , and all his defects too.
But one day I started to argue with him about the kind of life that we want to have and it finished by my total conviction that we are not made to be together. and i thought about it the whole night and when i woke up i start to gaze in the roof asking myself is that what i realy want, is this the guy who i want to live with him, and i started to ask myself but what i realy want, i never worked before for something i want i never expressed myself the way it should be. And i start remember, what i want, i love science, i love art, books good music i want to travel the world, to discover it, to build peace and to work for the good of humanity, why I will deprive myself from all of that.
And i smiled and i said now i know what i will do.
I have to go for what i want.
So I broke up with him that night , and the next day i started to look for a scientific association to re-build my connection to science. and since then a new chapter opened on my life book, and i did not stoped going for what i want, and fun and amazement became my new partner
Category Archives: divers
As a person i have know drastic changes in my live.
How a simple act actually banal, could be a proof of love
think that little gesture like washing dishes, be a proof of love.
Maybe this is a personal think that it’s an important experience to share.
When was young, my mother didn’t teach me to love her, and she asked me to do and to learn was in relation with the society and what other people will think about it.
One of those things is the work, she me to learn how it not for me, not even to help her, not because ‘m a living in that house and have a partial keep it clean but because will get married one day and she don’t want my husband and mother in law think that ‘m not good at
This idea upset me so much because first all think that the way that keep my house is a personal thing and it’s up to me to how to do it, it’s my life and not my mother in law , and second because she something that could never happen Her argument does not make sense to me this is why never put a real effort on the and hated helping the house and when was obliged to do something never did it perfectly always run the easiest solution.
Now years passed , i get older , much more mature, and my perspective of thing have changed.
Certainly it’s different than my mother point of view, now i contribute more in the house work, not because what will my future mother in law will think of me but i’m doing it by responsibility and love.
*Responsibility, because ‘m aware that if anybody is a part of a place should help to keep it clean and whatever is this place a house, a work space, the neighborhood, the city the country than the whole earth and universe)
*Love and sympathy my mother because the work that don’t do she will be obliged to do it by herself and she will get tired.
So when became aware of those two behavior changed automatically.
and this whole analysis of the situation my mind when was washing dishes and that was a greasy plate difficult to get , that when was young would never even try to clean it, but now was thinking that if don’t do it my mother,is the one who will get tired doing it, so worked hard to make the dishes perfectly clean.
And I thought, that my mother and almost all other Arabic mother do it wrong, because they make their daughters do it for the wrong reason, if they showed us how to love them, to feel empathy toward them and how to show our love by small action like washing dishes or get something fixed at home, it would be better that teaching us to do things because of what other think about us.
So. yes, washing dishes could be a proof of love
I just finished a book named the timekeeper actually it’s a novel, in this novel the writer tried to tell us to stop worrying about time about the moment to come and to cherish and fully live the present moment. well he tell it by a special way but i think that we are actually dominated by time even if we don’t want to think about it.
It still there and it still dominating , we can’t stop thinking about time while it’s in us .we are the living witness about the time existing, because we are ageing, we change, we are limited by our body capacity,
we can’t stop thinking about time but we can change our perspective to it.
we can decide to live the day for the day without thinking about what will come next. despite this is extreamly hard because our specific thing as intelligent creation is our ability to simulate the future, if we don’t do it it will be like giving up our intelligence.
so i think that the solution is not stop thinking about time, but it’s be aware of it, and be conscious about every minute passing think about are we using it correctly, happily, wisely are we doing something important and worthy of that minute
i have read this story and i want to share it , it’s make me thoughts about how much first civilization was related to nature , and how far are we
The Indian tribes around the sleepy Arizona city of Flagstaff have an interesting take on the human struggle for peace and harmony.According to their traditions , the difficulties and confusions of life have their roots in the arrangement of the stars in the heavens – or rather the lack of it. Those jewels in the sky were meant to help us find a tranquil , contented existence, but when First Woman was using the stars to write the moral laws into the blackness, Coyote ran out of patience and flung them out of her bowl , spattering them across the skies. From Coyote’s primal impatience came the mess of constellations in the heavens and the chaos of human existence
I used to think that i’m a woman of love ,
I was thinking that i have big capacity of loving in general and in loving a man particularly.
I used to think that , any man can find relief in my arms , I used to think that i have a big capacity for love , i used to think that with my big heart i can give life to stone , i always wanted to love and to be loved , i always wanted to have someone special in my life , to share with him all my feelings , love , thoughts and body , i always wanted some one who can forget the world in my arms , who can throw his head in my chest and feeling like the happiest man in the world , i always wanted someone who can throw myself in his arms when i feel tired and depressed and i feel like all the problems of the world has vanished , i always wanted someone who i can be his secret garden and he can be my isolated island .
I still always in starvation for love, tenderness ,safety and dreams .
Now i’m just starving for love and i don’t think that one day i will be full , i discovered that i’m not the woman i used to think that i’m , i discovered that men are not happy with me and will not be , i’m not the secret garden for anyone
It may look very strange , why a person like me would decide to do such a thing , it may look very strange, that a young woman with almost no problem to mention , decide to die ,
Well for me life is not just the fact of existing , i always been a dreamer , a person with a lot of expectation , and i never loved the way that all people live , i always want something special , i had been always a different person from people around me .
I used to love things like science , traveling , art , reading , discovering , and a little bit a kind of changing the world . :p
I never want ,or even accepted in my head the fact to live a simple normal life “of going to school graduate find a job , than a husband than have some children who will make your life just impossible like a hell than die and that’s it , that was a life ”
That’s not a life , i will not talk about how i want to live ( i already wrote about it ) , but i will tell why i decided once to die and why i still ready to take the same decision again.
i will not decide to die because i’m a depressed person , or because i have a lot of problem , not even because i have a psychiatric problem , not at all i will decide to die because it became simply impossible to live the way i want .
I think that we should not exist if we can’t do it our way , well a lot of person will say it’s always possible to make the life that we dream of true because simply it’s up to us to fight for it.
I do agree , but in some cases ( like mine for example) any changes toward the goal need a lot of time and patience , and sometimes you feel just like you want it to change right now because you can’t support the situation any more .
In some other cases ( also like mine) your choices are selfish and come against the well of people you love and you do care about them so it became me over you , so you have to choice your dream and your life or the happiness of people you love .In my case i choose to pull myself softly from this life , so i don’t make them suffer ( yes i know that definitely my death will hurt them but after all they are believers , and they believe in destiny , if my death will look normal and not like a suicide, they will accept it in the end , and it will look much more painless regarding the pain that they will feel if i stay and don’t obey them – we live in a merciless society , where judgment can make life a real hell )
and another thing to not fight for what you want is the nonsense of life , if we just look a little closer and get a pause one big question will appear – and after all WHY WE DO ALL OF THIS ? WHAT IS THE POINT ? WHY WE DO EXIST ?
I think personally that people feel sad and reject death as a abnormal event but in the reality ( from my point of view) , death is not the abnormal thing , life it’s ,the nonexistence is the origin , life is the mutation , so when we die we return back to the original state .
i think that no one can explain that mutation why it happened , why we do exist no one have the answer on this , despite all the attempt to do , ( the religious point of view , the anarchist point of view the scientist point of view … I think at least scientist are the most honorable people because no one of them pretend that we know why we do exist or even why we evoluate this way ) , and maybe the secret of life is simply that “the we don’t know ” maybe this is the reason that we keep evoluate and keep go further , so maybe life can is the intelligent one here and it can protect itself and assure it’s continuity by keeping us always in research .
how could we know that we are real ?
how would we be sure that we do exist ?
usually people ask about other stuff -do they exist ? such as god , hell heaven , angels , ghosts …. we never ask do we really exist ?
well such a question has never find an answer, we cannot trust our senses, our minds as well , we could be dreaming , we could be just the imagination of someone else . thousand of hypothesis can be suggested.
I know that it’s really hard to figure out what’s real and what’s not in this crazy screwed-up world we live in. actually what it’s the meaning of real .
I guess that the answer on that must be personal, no one can ever be sure either what he see or hear is real or not, a schizophrenic person is sure that he have voices in his head , who can assure that we are not all schizophrenic.
I think that we all live in worlds created in our heads , what’s real or not is just a matter of choice , I think that if you can feel it than it must be real just .
-” how do we know that we are real ? actually we don’t know and we can not know, maybe it is one of those things that in the end we just cannot prove