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Monthly Archives: January 2016

I want to run

I want to run mum
I want to run for life for love for hope I want to run to be me
yes mum I want to run
I want to run in the real sense of the word, i want to move my body to hear my heart talk to me
I want to run to see my thoughts flow with my sweat.
I want to run to prove to myself that i don’t hate me anymore.
yes i confess i always hated running, and i did hate it for a reason i hate it because i hated myself, i hated my body, my femininity , i never thought that i deserve life i was always hating me living life , so i looked up myself in that body , i covered my body and also i deprive it from major mouvement such us running dancing and doing sports.

now i’m conscious of those negative ideas, and i that i have grew up locked in my own body.
this is why i want to run i want to run to be me to accept me to make it up with my body

Being positive

In the end of the year 2015, i have live a new experience which is coaching, actually i ‘m not a big fun of PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT thing . and i believe that a lot of those coach are offering some bla bla bla and some illusion to their audience.
But i have tried to be coached by a friend of mine , i said let’s try a new method maybe that help me to find out my goal and my purpose on life.
Well after that experience i have some progress and some changes but basically they are attached to my point of view or let’s say the angle of viewing thing.
Before coaching i was thinking about ” being positive and always smiling and having positive energy and being happy all the time …” all of those things are not normal, a normal person have to experience faillur , sadness, negativity at some point.
Well i still believe that a normal person have up and down on his feelings and attitude, but what i have learned about being positive is not to be always happy but how do you look and react with the sad fact, being positive is not not feeling sad but it’s how to be strong to restart again, how to take advantages of the sad event to learn a lesson of life, and this is what i’m trying to focus on my daily life.

If i may tell an example, at my work usually when i make a mistake and my boss yell on me, i start crying and i tell myself bad things without doing taking any action to correct the fault now i know that a part of being positive is looking to mistakes from an other side not only us the bad thing that i have done but also i ask how can i correct it and how can i avoid it in the future.

Other thing when my best friend let me down and he change his way to act with me i felt sad and i still feel sad but in the same time i’m thinking about an other effective alternative to the new situation. (In reallity now i’m seeing the new procedure is to go back to my old habit of taking care of me and not waiting for any company) but after all i’m at least thinking about solving the problem and not just stay and cry.

The lesson about being positive t’s not, to lie on yourself and pretend that everything is ok , no it’s to know that there is some issue but to think how to take advantage from that , it’s a matter of perspective.

the picture below can resume it all.tumblr_n6pd5ii8s31tt8fomo1_500

 

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I feel sad , i feel sad because some people are changing without even noticing it,
I have a friend who is my close best friend, i used to pass a lot of time with him.
He had changed since he get a work , he told me once that i’m so dependent on him and i have to find my own way.
I felt lost by that time actually i felt that it’s not fair because this particular friend i didn’t want to became friend with him the whole thing was planned by him. Beside of that i’m a person who know very well how to be alone i have managed loneliness for so long time before , and now when i got some social life they accuse me by dependency