I’m tired i’m suffocated there is pain inside me that sometimes i feel that it will kill me and i need to be killed.
sometimes i feel pain i feel that i can’t bear myself anymore i just hate me so much,
sometimes i feel pain that i say that will not wake up with this but after all i make it and i wake safe by the morning
Sometimes i just wish if my body answer and reflect my soul pain , but it doesn’t and the pain is there is locked inside it’s never away.
Sometimes i think about hurting myself so i could feel better but there is always something that hold me back , i know i’m coward maybe this is it.
And my body never respond my soul pain never reflect it , and that make me hate my body even more, i don’t know where to go or what to do , it’s just painful



I don’t have anything missing in my life i have a familly a home some friends and a job , but i do hate myself , i don’t even why those people love me i don’t see why or how, everytime anyone say that he love me or he support me i’m just asking why why is that. I don’t deserve that love or that empathy.
I’m not good or special i’m shallow, and i miss determination.
I don’t need any help or love i just wish to disappear.

Epic fail

That time when you start doing mistakes, and it just don’t want to stop, they come one after an other and you start losing your confidence “if like it ever existed”, you start doubting about the most evident things even your facebook password – epic fail

Yes fucking hard epic fail, i’m a person with a hundred mistake in a day , i’m such a looser and i just ruin things since i was a kid it was always like that.

And i want to correct it , i want to make myself a better person , but every time i try and it just don’t work, maybe i don’t try the right way, maybe i don’t try hard enough, yes i think this is it i don’t try hard enough, but i always can’t find the power to finish what i have started and to be perfect or at least good in an acceptable way. and that make me hate myself.

I know that hate me just doesn’t help, but i just can’t fix it.

you know when sometimes i look ┬áto myself in the mirror, i just want to say to people who know me “holly cow” how could you support the existence of such a monster near you.

I’m not able to trust myself or to love it how just could they.
I can’t support myself i want to run away from the person how i’m sometimes i want to scream for help but i know that there is no one who can help , i hate that person inside of me , and i don’t dare to love it i want to disappear almost all the time, i can’t dare to be beautiful or to wear fancy girly attractive clothes,because i make a lot of mistakes ┬ásomeone like me should not be seen. I feel grateful for the way that i choose my clothes they are covering me all of me , and i do love my sport shoes they make me walk noiseless so i can pretend that i don’t exist.

Sometime’s i think about getting some help but I know that no one could help, I have to be more string to open my eyes to correct my mistakes to not do them again.

I just didn’t find the good way to do. And sometimes i just feel that life will not wait for me until i find that fucking way to correct everything and to repair myself.

Some people say that i’m already asking for help by writing things like that but i don’t think so it’s this way, first at all i’m not even sure if there is anyone reading in this blog, i feel sometimes that’s i’m writing in my own block-note, and with all those articles in the net who will care by just a lost girl who’s sharing here depressive feelings.

Stranger in paradise

today while looking on google about a book i had bought it’s name is ” stranger in paradise” i have found that there is also a film , some songs, and this masterpiece of heavenly music that all have the same name.
I already knew this melody but i never expected that it have such a meaningful name .
Enjoy everybody