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Monthly Archives: December 2013

what if i die

what if i die ? , why people don’t want to talk about death ?  they are afraid of something that look so evident to me , i guess that death is the origin , the non existence is the reality , life is the fraud , and this is why we could not explain it until now .

So let me imagining the image of my death how it would look like ? what will happen ? ,I guess nothing important will happen. after all i’m unknown person , i may look important for some people but after all they will get used to my absence . Actually i think that i’m already absent , that my existence and my disappearing is just the same. I’m absent because i’m an indifferent ,  selfish person  , i’m enclosed in my own world my own problems that in most of case are fake problems  . anyway , first at all , if i die without any previous alarm such an illness everybody will get shocked.

my mother will cry she may bat to her knee and slap her face , maybe she will not be able to stand or maybe she will be much more stronger than what i imagine and she may keep silent with her eyes full of tear fixed on the roof or in the unknown . she will be so sad and she will think that i will be punished in hell because i’m not muslim anymore.

my dad will yell to everybody because he will be so confused he will not know what to do than maybe he will cry a little , my little brother may try to calm mom and dad but he will be shaking , my brother in the army will come after they prepared me to go to my final place , he will find me sleeping body so cold with blue lips , lying down on the ground covered in white sheet , i guess he will be angry for no reason he may give a strong biff to the door or the wall and than fall crying next to my dead body.

I think that all preparation, all paperwork and all formality will be doing by family and friends.

 

after my burial , everything will return to it place again , friends will reach there homes with sadness and maybe a feeling of emptiness , family will feel sympathy with mom and dad , few days later my brother will go back to his work in the army , mom will calm down but her deep feeling of sadness will never gone and especialy because i died us an unbeliever.

Two or three weeks later , every thing will return to normal they will be used to my non existence , life will return as it always was , and i will simply not exist .

An event like death do like tsunami ,like a giant wave which sink an island but after it calm down the island reappear again very calm very clean. but after all the more things change the more it stay the same , life is always life with or without us we lived it or we refused it 

if-i-die-young--source

before my death…

before my death ,i would like to say a speech , a one like i always dreamed about , than i could say that my existence worth it

I was trying to…

I was trying to show that it doesn’t matter what material you use, it’s what you do with it.”

Juan Francisco Casas’ Bic pen drawings are definitely better than the doodles I used to make in high school. Recreating sexy photos with the blue pens that we all use in our daily lives, the Spanish-born artist creates large scale murals that measure up to 10ft high. Casas can use up four 14p ballpoints on one picture, and his award winning pieces fetch over $6000.

“I guess it started off as a joke, to try and make something so realistic that people would think is a photo,” Casas said. “For me it’s not that different from painting. I was trying to show that it doesn’t matter what material you use, it’s what you do with it.”

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/sexy-ballpoint-pen-art-13

I want to screa…

I want to scream, to cry, to say bad words, to shut me up, to remain calm, to travel, to forget, to be schizophrenic , to dance,to not to move, to eat, to vomit,to lock myself , to be everywhere and nowhere

I want to scream,  to cry,  to say bad words, to shut me up, to remain calm, to travel, to forget, to be schizophrenic , to dance,to not to  move, to eat, to vomit,to lock myself ,  to be everywhere and  nowhere

they consider t…

they consider themselves normal just because they all do the same thing

2013 recapitulation

i decided that i will not felicitate anybody by the new year , and i will not celebrate it , because it haven’t any sense , that we celebrate new beginning while we do nothing to make it new , well i don’t have the right to generalize there is people who change their lifes and get what they want . but me and people around me , we are just stable no move no changes , personally i had changes that i wanted in the year 2012 , then this year all my attempt to success has failed , i was in a relationship with someone and that was catastrophic , I had lost a lot of friends, i no longer do activity that i used to love doing (for many reason most of them not related to me) , i have changed my job and my new one is so stressful , and i wanted to die and i couldn’t make it ,so what can i wait from the new year ? nothing will change , i will not make any effort to do it because it have no sense , life have no sens 

It has no sense…

It has no sense that we celebrate new beginning while we do nothing to make it new ,

i decided that i will not felicitate anybody by the new year , and i will not celebrate it , because it haven’t any sense , that we celebrate new beginning while we do nothing to make it new ,