I’m in love with someone , that i barely know informations about him , how could this even happen . Such a non healthy thing , I’m conscious that such a thing could be dangerous , because in any second i can discover that all of that is just a lie, it have been lied to me before and i’m so good in sticking myself in embarassing situation . Well let’s say that i’m ready to take all responsability for my did , and i’m awared that life is about choices and risk , and i made my choice I will go forward and see what will happen because the way that this person make me feel is just amazing , and i will not skip such feelings.
The amazing thing here , if I make a neutral look is how could someone as mysterious as he is , and so far away as he is could infect someone like me . I think that maybe we could study such a situation to make a closer look to the human nature , and that make me putting hypothesis :
– Do we really love each other or maybe we were trying to avoid an emptiness in our lives , i don’t think that lis is the case , my live wasn’t empty even if it was emotionally hard , and neither his and especially his , he is a great man he can get a girl closer to him.
– Is it our genes , well I liked his maybe but i don’t trust mine .
– Is it just real feeling could not be explainable ?
– Is it just a mix of all of that ?
I think that scientifically speaking it should be a mix of all of that with some others details , such that we both were looking for originality and creativity in other i and think that we both are original and creative
Well those are some reflections about the situation , but that’s not all , there is a lot of other questions , such his mystery , he don’t speak so much he never ask so much as well ,- how could he be interested in someone and he don’t ask about every detail in that person life -, maybe he is new kind of guys that i never meet before and this is exactly why i fall for him , maybe he is not the kind of demanding so much , maybe he just want to enjoy the moment and that’s enough for him he don’t care about the past neither the futur . Well if this is the case it’s complete new perspective of seeing thing for me and i should learn how to see life from that angle , i guess that would be much more confortable and funny 😀
Or maybe he don’t ask too much because he just believe in the action of time , maybe he take things slowly and he think there is nothing could be hidden forever and if there is something that he should know it will appear soon or later
The whole situation and the way he act give me all new perspective about myself also , now i could see things on me that i never saw before . For example i discovered that i’m a hasty person , and that is so bad .how i conclude to that well we don’t know each other since a long time to give myself the right to require to know all these details about him , beside , after all both of us we don’t have yet a real complete view of the thing .How can i be such stupid and in rush girl . This is also new thing that i learn about me is i’m not realistic , and i ask too much and i’m a pressing person , now i may have new reason to understand why i failed before .
It’s good to learn things about myself , i think that this is a progress because to know my faults give me the possibility to correct them and to start over ,
I should to say that in the beginning when i started writing this i was full of anger , anxiety , sadness and fear , I just want to write to get some relief , because all what i was thinking about is negativity , is lies and the possibility of being dumped again , but after thinking , i find that why i blame anyone if already the fault is my bad perspective .
I think now after writing this , that what i was thinking about it wrong , because all my concentration was about how not to get so emotionally involved so i don’t be hurt a lot when things turn bad , i’m trying to protect myself all the time and now i think that’s completely wrong , why i’m afraid , what i’m trying to protect of ? pain , rejection ,.. well these feelings are part of life and they help us to grow .
Once my coach in driving told me :” you are living your life wrong and this is why you are not moving forward dispite that you have potential , you act like living to not to die , and this is wrong this just deprive you from being alive because what ever you try death is just a law of nature and it will happen any way , he told me also , it’s the something for mistakes , failure , and pain what ever you do to prevent them they will happen so girl go for your life , be happy , do your best and be alive . “
I didn’t understood what he says , when he said it but i do now , i do understand that thinking about bad possibility in my relationship or in my life in general will not prevent them to happen it will only make me sad and prevent me from the joy of the moment , beside of that our lives is a translation of our thoughts , and maybe before i get so much pain because i was thinking about it all the
time , now i decided to be happy to think positively , to enjoy every thing in my life and in my relation , I will do my best to make it happen to make it especial , and let what it’s meant to be to be .