Writing , expressing , and rejection

It happened once a day , i was good in expressing , and i loved to share ideas i was writing every thought every feeling in facebook in order to share them with my friends to find things to talk about together and it was simply a deep need for expression .
Lately i discovered that my friends and familly dislike these poste.
and i now i feel depressed why i’m writing if my ideas doesn’t interest anyone .
I start get silent since few weeks , Now  I’m just write because writing is a need just like eating , I’m writing in my blog only i stopped the facebook sharing , it’s only hard to find out that people don’t accept you the way you are .

Writing and expressing are part of who i’m .

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things i want to say ( without a name)

Do you remember when we were dream about writing , do you remember when we dream about a home , children and cooking together , I was looking to you and say he is my one , he is my dream do you know that before i had no dreams , no interest in man , i was dreaming by science , trAVELING AND MY OWN HOME alone ,
What happend ? I really don’t know .

now you come you say that i have changed , yes i’m changing yes a lot of things inside me has changed because of you ,
You know why because i was giving  i love you more than i love me , i prefer that you b happy ven if this will make me suffer , but now i realise that that wasn’t enough you want even more ,

I wasn’t asking for any thing ,i want you to treat me by a good way i wished if you treat me well ,you respect me ,
You just want every thing, you didn’t even respect the little piece that i want it for myself , you didn’t respect that i’m not ready to give it to you .
And now you ask me why i have changed ??
you ask me , why i’m talking to others ?
Don’t worry i’m not about doing an other relation , i’m not ready , i can’t trust someone right now , don’t worry you took every thing , you took my confidence in me and in others .
Don’t worry i know I can be in danger , but in the sometime i want to meet people who treat me well how give me back hope ,
I want to see nice people to know that i can be a child again , a dreamer one more time , people to confirm to me that i could be nice again without being hurt or abused or used .
I know there is good people all over the world , things will be good after all , I should take care of me and i should be sure not to fall in the arm of bad people who look nice but they act like devil.

maybe you loved me but you love yourself much more . And i may deserve better ,You are a good man with others but you don’t know how to make me happy. And until now i wish if you can prove to me that you are able to get me back , i’m just sure that you can’t you simply don’t know how

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I hate when i’m obliged to do things

some things in this life are good in themselves but by what we are doing we make them the most detestable things ever .

Things like visiting family , family in itself is a good supportive thing if and only if the connection betwen it members is a good natural smooth connection , when visiting or support family become an obligation it destroy all the meaning and the good well in the did .

It become like doing painful non neccessary surgery , recommended by a failed doctor , all you get from it is wounds , scratches marks , waste of time and money .

I belief that if relations between human being have to be natural come from heart to heart , i don’t believe in titled relationship ( and what i mean here is you get privilege just because you are my relative ) , I think that the deal should be like that :
You really mean something to me than without even asking you will get my help attention and affection so automaticly , other than this i could help by the humanity call and only if i see that you really need it .
Obligation in relations became hypocrisy .

Just a thought in my head …. maybe some bla bla bla

Some times we get deceptions very easy despite that we try to be good person , when I was a teen I had a lot of dreams about my future boyfriend or let’s say husband . Now I get older and I know tHAT WHAT wE THINK ABOUT or what e wish is not necessarily real , I get some love disappointment and actually i feel like living one .

But i have learned the lesson .

I don’t care anymore about him /them about if he loves me or not. I will live the experience to it end , I WILL ACCEPT consequence of my choice . and i learn how to get back in my mind state to the days when i was a dreaming girl ,
I miss the little girl inside me who dream about romance about poetry , yesterday i slept hugging my teddy bEAR , I suddenly remembered an old poem that was offered to me , and i miss that any one give me such an attention to write something to me , that mean a lot , because it’s just not easy that anyone write to someone I believes that words are the fruit of heart , honest words of corse .
I’m trying to be positive to get height my level of spirituality , to concentrate on my level of energy , to vibrate at the some frequency with the universe .