Writing , expressing , and rejection

It happened once a day , i was good in expressing , and i loved to share ideas i was writing every thought every feeling in facebook in order to share them with my friends to find things to talk about together and it was simply a deep need for expression .
Lately i discovered that my friends and familly dislike these poste.
and i now i feel depressed why i’m writing if my ideas doesn’t interest anyone .
I start get silent since few weeks , Now  I’m just write because writing is a need just like eating , I’m writing in my blog only i stopped the facebook sharing , it’s only hard to find out that people don’t accept you the way you are .

Writing and expressing are part of who i’m .


Resemble to me

my flower

this flower resemble to me ,
it fade , but still consistent

and have a good smell

things i want to say ( without a name)

Do you remember when we were dream about writing , do you remember when we dream about a home , children and cooking together , I was looking to you and say he is my one , he is my dream do you know that before i had no dreams , no interest in man , i was dreaming by science , trAVELING AND MY OWN HOME alone ,
What happend ? I really don’t know .

now you come you say that i have changed , yes i’m changing yes a lot of things inside me has changed because of you ,
You know why because i was giving  i love you more than i love me , i prefer that you b happy ven if this will make me suffer , but now i realise that that wasn’t enough you want even more ,

I wasn’t asking for any thing ,i want you to treat me by a good way i wished if you treat me well ,you respect me ,
You just want every thing, you didn’t even respect the little piece that i want it for myself , you didn’t respect that i’m not ready to give it to you .
And now you ask me why i have changed ??
you ask me , why i’m talking to others ?
Don’t worry i’m not about doing an other relation , i’m not ready , i can’t trust someone right now , don’t worry you took every thing , you took my confidence in me and in others .
Don’t worry i know I can be in danger , but in the sometime i want to meet people who treat me well how give me back hope ,
I want to see nice people to know that i can be a child again , a dreamer one more time , people to confirm to me that i could be nice again without being hurt or abused or used .
I know there is good people all over the world , things will be good after all , I should take care of me and i should be sure not to fall in the arm of bad people who look nice but they act like devil.

maybe you loved me but you love yourself much more . And i may deserve better ,You are a good man with others but you don’t know how to make me happy. And until now i wish if you can prove to me that you are able to get me back , i’m just sure that you can’t you simply don’t know how



I hate when i’m obliged to do things

some things in this life are good in themselves but by what we are doing we make them the most detestable things ever .

Things like visiting family , family in itself is a good supportive thing if and only if the connection betwen it members is a good natural smooth connection , when visiting or support family become an obligation it destroy all the meaning and the good well in the did .

It become like doing painful non neccessary surgery , recommended by a failed doctor , all you get from it is wounds , scratches marks , waste of time and money .

I belief that if relations between human being have to be natural come from heart to heart , i don’t believe in titled relationship ( and what i mean here is you get privilege just because you are my relative ) , I think that the deal should be like that :
You really mean something to me than without even asking you will get my help attention and affection so automaticly , other than this i could help by the humanity call and only if i see that you really need it .
Obligation in relations became hypocrisy .

Just a thought in my head …. learning a lesson

Sometimes we get disappointed very easily.Despite, that we do our best to make things right. And one kind of disappointment that it’s easy to fall into it, is love disappointment.

When I was a teen I had a lot of dreams about my future boyfriend or let’s say husband. Now I get older and I know that dreams, hopes and reality does not necessarily match.So let’s say, that’s what I have dreamed about, was just so far away from my real situation, which lead me to be disappointed, just like now.

But I have learned the lesson .

I have learned to live the experience till it end , try to do my part well, without thinking about how the other judge me,or blame myself if things doesn’t work .

From nowon I will accept the consequence of my choices, actions , and I will always keep a high state of consciousness, I will try to keep the little dreamy girl always awake on my.
Because I really miss that little girl who used to dream about romance, poetry, and beauty. I was overwhelmed by the brutality of the real world.
But sometimes we have to remember who we used to be.
Yesterday I slept hugging my teddy bear- which is something that I did not make for a while- So, I suddenly remembered an old poem that was offered to me, by someone that I didn’t like actually but I felt kind of missing the days when anyone give me such an attention. And I thought that if it happened once it could happen again, I can find someone who really cares to a point that he write poems to me.
It may look a silly thought, and a poem is not a big deal, but the goal of this is the care that it shows.

We all deserve good care, real love and attention, just keep dreaming, keep good energy, and I hope that good stuff happens to all of us.