RSS Feed

Monthly Archives: March 2012

growing up

i want to get back 17.
I want to feel young again i want to live those days again when i had dreams bigger then me i became older now i strat loosing my passion start sinking in reality
and i start become like every other growing up people i lost my audacity i start thinking like every one else . This is dangerous actually i discovered that when you get older you become more attached to what you own and it become hard to let it go ater that you became obsessed and so tied down

open your heart before it get frozen

This is what happen when your heart is not open

save my soul

i was confused and some people use that without even being concious that they are taking advantages from it , they really hurt me , infect me they have changed something inside of me i had loosed a lot of innocence a lot of dreams , they took a lot from me without even they mean it , they killed me by love , and only for that reason i should forgive them so i can be able to move on , i feel like i’m stuck in the middle of something and i’m not able to give or get anything i’m just praying for god to give me power of forgiveness and forget this is the only way to free my soul

You feel angry , it mean …

You feel angry , it mean you felt some other stuff before and you didn’t manage them, so if you feel angry go search so where else you must find some thing to fix instead of sitting there bothering other with your anger crisis

anger

anger

conformity

conformity

I feel angry and i don’t know why ?!

I want to speak about one of my experiences, i lived it since some times but i still suffer from it’s effect .

since July 2011 I had known someone, since the first impression he seemed to me a timid person and so naive i started talking to him since i needed some information i wasn’t in my town , later in the same day he start talking about himself , and imagine the first thing that he talked about , he mentioned his desire in marriage and build a familly i was really shocked and surprised it was really strange to talk bout some thing private with someone totally strange to you i wanted to say “but hello we just meet since a few minute i’m not interested to know all of this ” but in order to be polite i just listened to him and i didn’t said a word anyway i stayed in touch with him after i come home in order of two or three days he proposed to me to be his girlfriend and his way to propose was really strange again he told me ” do you want to have a brother and sister relationship with me or a marital relationship” to be honest i didn’t took him seriously i just laughed a lot and said marital one .
In order of two week thing go serious , and he presented me to his parent nd had know my mother . I was really impressed by the fact that waw he was serious since the first day inside of me there is something telling me stop that you should not continue in this relation but i simply couldn’t i was praying to god to give me a sign and show me the light because i didn’t know why this sound yell from my depth stop this relationship this person is not the right one for you ,and just in this point i start discovering some lies he told me , he lied to me about his salary about his diploma , his education level …

i didn’t discover this in one time i discovered them one by one and i gave him three successive chances to reveal all what he hide and every time he confirm that it’s the last lie and he swear he don’t have any other hidden thing to tell me , he swore the first time and he lied again , then the second time and the third time i decided to take a serious step and to break up with him totally .
I was happy by the decision that i have made despite mum and dad were against me and told me the man loves you for real and you can forgive him I insisted on my opinion . The problem in all of this that after all what happened he still in touch with my mum and he try by every possible way to get me back and now i feel really really angry and i don’t know even why , i feel so angry from every one or every thing remember me of him i feel made and just like my blood boiling every time i remember any thing he told me , mum think that i’m really ungrateful he nd she asking me why all this anger and hate though the guy loved you much and he didn’t even hurt you or even if he barely did .
I know that it’s my mistake from the very beginning that i shouldn’t drift behind event , i didn’t made a responsible choice to get into a relationship like this to someone so different to me but now all i want is to get back my interior peace again and lose this inexplicable feeling of anger