self support

I think that at some level,we all have that feeling. the urge to be seen, to feel important, to feel precious accepted and loved.
Yet it’s not an available feeling for everybody
Sometime we feel like we need to be found, that someone come and remove the dust over our souls
Someone who is able to see beneath the tip of the iceberg, and to detect the most sad and embaracing feeling which rise deep inside us.
Someone who have this magicale ability to see, support and be a part of the healing process yet.
Who have such ability?
I think no one do, agony is an individual path
And if we are not strong enough for ourselves it’s hard to find someone who will do that for us.

This is not about drama is about selfsupport…

Photo by : atonik.art

review drowning Anna

I read this book in the frame of sptembere reading challenge. the concept was that we should read books of a feminin writers.
Drowning anna is a book wrote by Sue Mayfield who ‘is a writer of fiction for children and young adults.
Despite the book is basicaly for teenagers but it schould be read by parents, teachers and schools administrator, because it talks about an important subject wich is bullying.
Mayfield is telling us a story of young talented and beautiful Anna moved from london to south england with her familly.
First everything was ok and her integration with her new environment was going very well .she even became friends with the most popular girl at school “Hayley parkin”.
Till sudenly everything has changed and Hayley start to bully Anna without an obvious reason (at least for anna. To the reader it may be jealousy). She kept harming her discreetly. Anna couldn’t handel the pain the isolation and the hate she was forced to feel. Till she got depressed.
Even when Anna parents noticed whats going on and they tried to help, they made it worst, because Hayley never stopped. she just became more discrete but also more aggressive. she even hurt Anna physicly and she made it look like an accident. her discreet way made Anna feels more alone and she felt like no one will believe her if she talks. all that pushed Anna to comit suicide attempt.

The story was told by three narrator, by Anna herself through her diary, by melanie anna s’, friend who was traped between her friendship with Anna and the charm of Hayley, which she could not resist. And by the memories of Francis (anna s’ mother,) when she was reading the diary of her daughter.

The book is not a simple story about bully, it show us how the victim feels, how it’s important to understand his / her feeling and support him / her. It’s important that a victim of bulling should not feel alone traped and hated( like anna did) because when a teenage feel those things you can never know how he will react.
Bullying may be the biggest problem at school it can affect the whole future life of a person so it’s important to find a solution to that. And I think that should start with communication.

How I do picture myself

when I was reading the book” and this also will pass” the writer talked about how she was never picturing herself in the age of fourty.

And that makes me remimber myself how I used to picture my future life, and I remimbered one of my drawing, where I drew a yound lady in a house alone curled up in a blanket with a cup of coffee beside her.
The drawing does not show all the details, but for me I always pictured myself this way,a women in her thirties living alone, who spend the day at work she come back to an empty house. she put on the coffe machine.light up some lavender essence. I always had that attachement to odors.
She does not eat she curl up at her couch (maybe with her cat or dog and a teddy bear) she put a film or some music on

I was never able to picture myself as anything else, not a wife neither a mother. I don’t know where this image is coming from. why deep down I feel this way, maybe it’s just my deep feeling of loneliness wich I don’t even know where it is comes from. Maybe it’s just my depressive character making me looking for drama. Or maybe my hiding feeling that I don’t deserve love.

I really don’t know .all what I know is that this picture does not bother me. I’m convinced that maybe this is who I’am and this is how it’s meant to be “for ever alone” .

Alone doesn’t mean neccessarly sad.

I don’t even know if this conviction is normal or not . But what is normal anyway ?

till I figure out why I do have this conviction and why this picture can’t leave my mind I think that I will stay for ever alone.

short review Sculpteur de masque by mohamed Harmal

A novel full of symbolism, and philosophy despite the infant atmosphere that I felt.
It makes you think about your relations with the others. about the relation between the sacred and the puritanism, how something can turn out from being a simple belief, a personal experience, to a group fanatism.
a lot of other reflexions and thoughts that flow in my mind while reading the book.the style was fluent, and affluent of vocabulary and expressions.the book opens a wide window on another philosophical source (Nietzsche) which helped me expending my angle of view.
I had different expectations for the end, but I liked it and I especially like the maturity that appeared on the reaction of spectre d’aigle

Review about Dance dance dance ( the fourth book of the rat serie #4) by Haruki Murakami

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Dance dance dance is the fourth book of the Rat serie, that I started reading this summer with my freinds, the readalong come to it’s end with this book.

reading dance dance dance was light, smooth and easy.
but as usual with me reading Murakami I find a lot of details that can be rid of them and the book still have all its beauty and meaning.
Once again, I think that the beauty of Murakami writing lay on how he could bring important subject while he speak about something dull or at least we can say things that everybody take for granted.

the atmosphere that reign over the book is full of loneliness, and loss. we can obviously feel to a point that we can touch the search of the narrator for his-self ,the meaning of his live ,his existential crises. which I honestly love, because somehow I kind have the same feelings too.

In the book the writer presents different personalities, that they affected him, and he affected them, and what they have in common is their search for meaning and for their true selves, in somehow they are all a reflection of the narrator in his own search for himself.

Death and disappearing are strongly present too.

Death itself here is an existential question, and I think bringing in the subject reflect a part of the existential bewilderment and the search for meaning of the life of the protagonist.
Despite that death is certain destiny, but till now Humanity still processing it, still hard to understand it and accept it.

this is what the narrator tries to show us by keeping repeating the phrase

“ Extremely, irrevocably dead”,

and by describing the protagonist’s reaction and how him try to figure it out and how it still choking fact to him.He shows how death affects him, how it affect AME, how it affect Gutanda, he try to describe how death affect their thoughts and behavior.

The books talked also about communication, and about acting and all of this is pouring in the same subject which is loneliness, and search for life meaning

I can consider the book as a reflection of a human state in its confusion, loss and self conflict.
it’s been nice to discover it.
as usual a lot of quotes from the book can be found on my FB page :https://www.facebook.com/powerofchanges

A Wild Sheep Chase (The third book of the Rat serie #3) by Haruki Murakami

After reading the two first book of the rat serie, I started a wild sheep chase which it is the third one , before I even start it I noticed its length compared to the two first novel. which explains that it took me longer time to read. Anyways, here I will give my impression about the book.

I consider that the events are separated into two parts: before to travel to Hokkaido and after that.

In both parts I noticed a consistent structure, and a more mature writing style.

I can say that I didn’t like much the first part it was dull and bizarre.

I mean Falling in love with the ear of someone, come on !!!

or that “whale penis” thing. Yet describing some strange or some regular details of someones life is kind of the core in all Murakami books ( at least those that I have read so far) it makes his style unique, that makes the identification with the character easier, it helps to close the feeling and the inner state of the character to the reader

The first part was kind of sad, lonely and reflect the existential issue of the protagonist , it also reflects some kind of detachment from reality, kind of escaping it, it reflects also a search for identity and meaning, despite that those feelings are echoed all along the novel but especially in the first part. it touched me and Murakami makes me feel it.

I may dislike all the irrelevant descriptions, that Murakami usually does, but maybe this is the way that helps him to put on the table some ideas, that are not relevant to the story events line in itself, but it makes the writer able to express his thoughts and share them with the reader which create a special relationship between the two of them, and special environment on the book. For example, I liked the way he brings the subject of naming things, why we name some stuff while we just give number to some others

Personally, I think other than use, we generally name things that we are emotionally attached to them.

I liked also how he talks about death and parenting.

In the second part of the book there are more events, and I became more excited to know what’s next, what happened to the rat? who was the sheepman? what happened to the sheep? why his girlfriend just disappeared?

The atmosphere gets even more darker , and full of confusion, loneliness that lead sometimes to hallucination, anger and sadness became even stronger especially by the death of the rat.

finally, I think that the book fixe my idea that reading Murakami is about reading the details that you have to find their meaning, that create the special universe of the writer, if you search a story only about events ,then you can’t read Murakami , at least this is my opinion.
I don’t want to make this review anylonger so all the quotes that I liked from the book are on my Fb page link below .

https://www.facebook.com/powerofchanges/

Passages from Women , food and god

This is a book that I found by accident , so far I like a lot of passages from it , so here I share them with youThis is a book that I found by accident , so far I like a lot of passages from it :

a_wild_sheep_chase -reflection 1

A perfect morning sound track.The world had barely changed in ten years. Only thesingers and song titles. And my age
#haruki_murakami
#a_wild_sheep_chase
#murakmi_time
#tunispanisharukist
sometimes I feel totally the opposite the whole world is running fast, faster than anything that I can catch, but I stand still.and the only thing changing is my age.
Well, I may be cruel to myself because I’ve certainly been changing and learning while I’m aging but we live in a society that measure progress only by material stuff, that put the kind of stress upon us, that make us barely able to see any other progress that we are making as human beings

The Rat Series by Haruki Murakami

لاجل عين تكرم الف عين
if I try to translate I may say, it’s literally say “for an eye a thousand other eyes are honored,” well it may not be the perfect translation ever, but I have used that expression because I can’t find an equivalent English expression that I know and that I could use.
Anyways, all that talking just to tell you how I started reading the rat series of murakami.
Haruki Murakami is a good Japanese novelist, certainly worthy to read, but I have to confess that I’m not crazy about the guy.I mean I have read two or three of his books, I liked some passages, I didn’t get some others,but, general it was good.
this is my case, but I know someone who is literally in love with every letter written by the guy, who is my friend lobna, my dear friend is widely spreading what she calls #murakamivibes

she is overwhelming social media by the reviews, the photos and quotes from murakami books and about him and his life. and honestly I like that about her.
Her enthusiasm about the writer, makes me want to share some of that with her, this is why when she started the reading group of the #Rat_serie, of Murakami , I immediately joined her, the very first moment that she proposed to me the idea.

The Rat serie is a collection of four novels their main caracter is a person recognised as the Rat, and the serie is composed by the following novels #hear_the_wind_sing #pinball #A_Wild_Sheep_Chase and finally #Dance_Dance_Dance

So far we have read two books out of four composing the serie. which are #hear_the_wind_sing #pinball

Here I will share some thoughts about what I have read.
Let’s start about :
I have read an electronic copy of the two novel you can find it on the link below : http://1.droppdf.com/files/rBbmc/wind-pinball-haruki-murakami.pdf

before the start of the two novels. it was a long introduction about writing how Haruki gets inspired to start writing, and his journey to get to his first novel, I liked the introduction, and I felt inspired, – I dream of becoming a writer one day, – and the introduction makes me say, well this is doable, if he can start this way I can start the same way too.He makes me feel like writing is about loving what you do, either you succeed at it or not, he himself doesn’t expect that his first novel would be ever published or that it would win a price.

Also he gives us an idea bout the work condition of a writer of that time ( not editing software, or helping tool, only a pen and some paper )

then, it’s started the first novel:

#hear_the_wind_sing  , the style was unfamiliar to me, it was a disconnected  piece of written sometimes I wasn’t able to follow the line and I can’t see where the story is going .But I can’t deny that there were some great passages.

Here some of them :

the second novel :
#pinball_1973

the second novel :
#pinball_1973
I like the second novel more than the first one, despite that the writing was fragmented but the pieces of the story come easily together, despite that there is always the mystery present (like almost always in Murakami works) he doesn’t explain everything he makes you find your own meaning to some details.
I can say that with that story I come to a conclusion which is that when you read murakami you don’t have to wait for the end of the line of the events where it go, indeed you have to read the story for the story itself, he shares with us pieces of his life, feelings and thoughts, he is not writing a story about only the events.and in pinball I think that he is talking about passion which became an  obsession, love, attachment, loses and misses.

I like some passages , that you can find them in my FB page https://www.facebook.com/powerofchanges

and here are some example:

 

 

Chernobyl -Miniserie-HBO

I have heard about Chernobyl nuclear disaster few years ago, but I had never imagined it, the loses it cost ,  or even why it does happen in the first place.
Chernobyl miniature by HBO makes me see it.
Despite all the critic all the Russian voices who accuse the series of reprogramming the new generation’s minds, and that the American tries to paint the image of the URSS in black- well, It may be true at some level. The series may be subjective – but either if the Russian accepts it or not  the horror of what happened couldn’t be shown another way.
The serie show huge number of shoking fact. It doesn’t show us only what happened at chernobyl and why , but it shows also the bureaucraty , the deny, the holding of a false  image of a nation  . the embrace of a confortable lie over a hard reality.

it shows also the  role of scientist when they  hold to the truth , not only to know it but also to reveal it .

The serie teaches us a few lessons about the truth, honesty, competence and responsibility.
It carries with it a few deep messages that doesn’t touch history only, but also the future of humanity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCiOYAY-HVA